I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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