around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
