Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
