In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
