when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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