I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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