She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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