oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
