gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
