I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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