Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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