Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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