I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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