I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
