Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
