dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
