11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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