Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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