well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
