Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
