it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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