i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
