if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
