morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
