I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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