Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
