So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
