So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
