There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
