Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
