You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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