She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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