i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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