i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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