i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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