Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
