i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
