I think I won the penis lottery.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
