I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
