You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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