woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
