I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
