No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
