theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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