I met the friendliest cop last night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
