You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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