can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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