can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i will never coherently bang her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
