dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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