You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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