I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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