Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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