Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
