He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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