Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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